Good morning,
It’s the first week of April, and while most of us are worried about taxes, NASA is dealing with something far more terrifying…
The toilet on Artemis II.
“What happens… if it doesn’t flush?”
Space: the final frontier… of holding it in.
🩸SHOULD WE BE SCARED?
Scientists say they can now bottle the sun using some kind of experimental liquid battery.
Great.
Because every time humanity decides to “control” something cosmic, it works out beautifully.
🩸RECENT HORROR NEWS
Satanic cults are checking you in… permanently
A new SXSW darling, They Will Kill You, is serving up hotel horror with a demonic twist—and yes, it’s inspired by something the director actually experienced in a creepy apartment.Charli XCX enters her horror era (brace yourself)
Pop chaos agent Charli XCX is making her big horror debut in Faces of Death, a film already being whispered about as one of the most disturbing of the year. Nothing says “career evolution” like diving headfirst into nightmare fuel.Ghostface is still very employed
Scream 7 is now out in the wild (and on digital), complete with behind-the-scenes footage of its nastiest kill yet. Translation: they tried to tone it down… then absolutely did not.
🩸NEWSWORTHY NUMBER
12 seconds
The average time before someone checks their phone during a movie.
Not even the killer moves that fast.
🩸UNSCRAMBLE THE CHARACTER NAME FROM A HORROR MOVIE—TWO WORDS
T R A J C A R O N C E K
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Answer at the bottom
🩸HORROR IN THEATERS.
The Yeti — (April 3rd) Members of a rescue team encounter an ancient creature while searching for two missing people in 1947 Alaska Territory. Period horror—refreshing! Trailer
Still Playing
Ready or Not 2: Here I Come — (Mar 27th)
They Will Kill You — (Mar 27th) If you like the mayhem of Ready Or Not, you’ll love this Trailer
Coming Soon
Exit 8 — (April 10th)
Faces of Death — (April 10th)
Lee Cronin’s The Mummy — (April 17th) New take on an old trope Trailer
Keep an eye out for these
Hokum — (May 1st) — haunted Irish getaway… because Airbnb wasn’t risky enough.
Obsession — (May 15th) — wish fulfillment horror, aka “be careful what you manifest.”
Scary Movie 6 — (June 12th) The Wayans Brothers are back Trailer
🩸HORROR TO WATCH ON STREAMERS
Scream 7 –- now available digitally
Ghostface is back, and apparently more stabby than ever.Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 — (Peacock)
Because one possessed animatronic pizza place wasn’t enough trauma.A Quiet Place Part II — (Netflix/Paramount+)
Still quiet. Still deadly. Still makes you afraid to chew snacks.Dolly — (Shudder/AMC+)
A woman abducted and turned into a living doll. There’s a porn joke here, but I’m not telling it.
🩸FINAL SIP
Nothing reminds you we’re all just fragile meat suits hurtling through the void quite like knowing the biggest threat to a billion-dollar space mission…
…isn’t a xenomorph—it’s a clogged toilet.
Until next time… keep your tanks empty and your nightmares full. 🚽
Answer to A Horrific Mess: Jack Torrance (The Shining)
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